Forever Guilty Part One

Forever Guilty

Here I am to tell my story. my story of guilt.

I ran. I could not stop running. I was running away from the pain and the hurt that had haunted me for my whole life. I was running to get away from my life and everyone that was involved in it. rom the joy also, the joy that kept me in my life. I was running I could not stop running and I did not want to either. My life was a sea of sorrows.

          I started to live my life in a small town called Lyonsville, NJ. Lyonsville was home for me, the squirrels that scuttled from tree reminded me of when I was little and had no worries. The trees bowed down to a little creek that I spent most of my time at. Mountains with a purple glow would protect us from the evil of the outside world. I would often walk into a small clearing and the wildflowers would bounce their heads to invite me in. My world was full of love and compassion.

          My mother was single. My dad had left me when I was two, leaving Mom with a pile of divorce papers and a small pre-mi child to take care of. We were broke. We had nothing to live on, and nothing to live for. My world was braking. Mom received a low paying job five miles away as a waiter in a small café. We managed, and we always had one another.

          When I was thirteen Mom died in a car crash. I was petrified. I did not eat or sleep for almost a week, until I went into foster care. Foster care was not dreadful; in fact it was quite pleasant. My foster prarents were a couple with one kid, a three year old. He was as cute as. Well. A three year old! By the time I was almost fifteen, my foster mom died. I could not bare it, and neither could my foster dad. We moved to the city later that year so my foster dad could get a new job. We were so close, and we did not want to split up, so I was adopted.

          By this time I had convinced myself that I was cursed and that I killed both my mothers and made my real father leave. I did not believe in myself, and I never thought I would. One day I decided to leave, and leave I did. I was tired of the big city with its putrid fish smell, foggy background, and it even tasted like muck! I wanted some fresh, crisp, country air, so I headed to Kentucky. It was not until later that I realized my mistake.

 

                  

        

To be continued...

hope you liked it :P

♥♥♥LOVE♥♥♥

   The thought of beeing loved poped up in my mind as I began to see the light. It was here! All of the pain and the hurt that I expirenced was gone. It just vanished; love can do that. Love is all that is needed to live a wonderful life. And only the true love comes from Jesus. My heart felt like it exploded. I had just excepted Christ as my savior, and it was the best decition I had ever made. My past life was all a foggy memory; it did not matter. Jesus was in my heart now, and it was all I need. I sat back and took in all of the love and grace, and then I began to live my life for Jesus. Because Jesus died for us.

  All of the pain you have now can be gone. Jesus can take it away, and give you love and grace in return. You do not have to live your life in pain; no one does.

Olivia

  

    Many of you know my dog, Olivia, but none of you know how much she means to me. I know some of you LOVE your dogs, but I ♥♥LOVE♥♥my friend. Olivia is a lab-mix, but that doesn’t matter. She is eight years old and is as sweet as a cupcake! She never lets me out of her sight, like she is protecting me. Olivia isn’t only me friend, but my companion (yes, there is a difference!). Olivia and I play outside every day and she always is allowed off-leash because I know she will come back. I never like to think of the day when I have to say good bye; when I do I start to cry! I guess what I am trying to say is that Olivia and I are inseparable, and that she knows me more than any of you know me.  When I am sad or huts, Olivia comforts me. When I am happy, she is too. And when I am mad, she knows my frustration. This is for Olivia, and I suggest that you see how much you are loved.    

           If any of you doubt your dog’s love for you, lock her/him in your car trunk with your friend/parent/spouse, and then see who is still happy to see you.    

♥♥♥ Olivia ♥♥♥

Fishy Names

Here are the names of my fishies:

Red~ Fluffy
Light Blue~ Sizzle
Black~ Zoink
Green~ Mr. Fish
Yellow~ peachy (just for Mimi)
Orange~ Pie
White~ Teacup (just for Gracie)

If you have any suggestion, i shall change the names. Just leave a comment.

Thank you,

Ash :P

Austin

   Everyone, please pray for Austin, he has not been very smart lately and i am worried. For those of you who don't know Austin, he is my 16 year old older brother, and he does need to be prayed for. Oh, and Izzy, don't tell your parents (or your family) these things have a way of sperading rumors. Thanks everyone!

~Ashley 

Hellow!

Hellow everyone, i have not blogged in a long(ish) time and i wnted to say Hellow! And, for those of you who are coming to my b-day party, remember not to show anyone your mask and you do not have to eat before you come, Elise! thank you for listening to me and i hope to see you all soon!

Thanks

~bye

Veggie Tales

Hellow everyone! i have to say that my favorite thing to do is sing veggie tales songs here is a nother one~

Belly Button~

Mr. Lunt: Baby I know your eyes see right through my disguise
Boyz: (Larry, Jimmy, Junior): And no one can deny
Mr. Lunt: Baby that Im the one whose love is no surprise
Boyz: And he can't tell you no lie
Mr. Lunt: But there's a secret Ive been hidin I can't keep it no more
Boyz: there's this thing about himself he's never told you before
Lunt: Baby!
Chorus:
Boyz: He needs to tell you something
Mr. Lunt: I don't got a bellybutton
Oh I need to tell you something
Boyz: Have you figure it out
He don't got a bellybutton
Boyz: Bellybutton no, oh no no
Mr. Lunt: Baby please don't squeal, just tell me how you feel
Boyz: Cause his love is for real
Mr. Lunt: And if you went away, my heart would never heal
Boyz: So to you he appeals
Mr. Lunt: there's something missing in my middle and it's hard to ignore
Boyz: there's this thing about himself he's never told you before
Lunt: Baby!
Chorus
Khalil: Bellybutton!
Boyz: Uh, uh
Khalil: Bellybutton!
Boyz: Uh, uh
Khalil: You say your bellybuttons missing, there's no reason for alarm
Its a common thing for gourds, it wont do you any harm
Youre technically a fruit and with that much being said;
Your umbilical equivocal is up there on your head!
You could opt for a prosthetic but of course you'd have to know
Itd be covered by your shirt, but not your HMO
Khalil: Bellybutton!
Boyz: Uh, uh
Khalil: Bellybutton
Boyz: Uh, uh
Mr. Lunt: a stylish something absent from my midriffs dcor
Boyz: there's this thing about himself he's never told you before
Lunt: Baby!
Boyz: He need to tell you something
Mr. Lunt: I don't got a belly button
Oh I need to tell you something
Boyz: Have you figure it out
He don't got a belly button
Boyz: Belly button no, oh no no
Lunt and Boyz: No belly button!

The World is a lie

      

I read my friends post the other day and it broke my heart. It showed me how much the world puts us into categories. I am in the "Same but Different" category and many put her in the "Freaky" category. We box people up so much that all we see about them are lies. We judge people by how they portray themselves, when, in fact they are totally different. We just see the appearance and not the heart. Just because Kate dies her hair and always “looks” scary doesn’t mean she is scary. We do not need to judge people by how they look, we need to dig deeper and search them. ALL OF US!!!

                                                                           

Veggietales!!!

LARY- "Everybody has a water bufflo, yours is fast, but my is slow. where did we get them i don't know, but everyone has a water buffalo. Took my buffalo to the store. Got his head stuck in the door. Spilt some limabeans on the floor. Oh, everone has a water buffalo!"

ARCHIBALD- "You can't say everyone has a water buffalo! Everone does not have a water buffalo! we are going to get nasty letters saying, were is my buffalo, why don't i have a water buffalo. And are you prepaired to deal with that. I don't think so. So stop being so silly."

"Tune in next time to hear Lary sing..."

LARY- "Everones got a baby kangaroo, yours is pink, but mine is blue..."

ARCHIBALD- "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!"


~Silly songs with Lary, everone has a water buffalo...

The Real Witches

            She cried out, as pain danced on every inch of her body. They were burning her, an inocent, young, beautiful girl for suspiction of witchcraft. They all watched as her pain filled their empty hearts, it is like they thrive on the pain of others. The pain of the inocent, the pain of the ones who were not afraid to stand up for what they believe in. The ones who kill, mock, and hate those who are inocent are the real witches. They watch the pain of others as if they are just another victim of daily life. How dare they!

          Can't they see the love that God put into that dying person? Can't they see the love that was given to them? God loves all. The inocent, the brave, the cowardly, and even the witches! Can you see yourself moking others? maybe not in public, but do you hate others and mock them? God loves all, we need to also..

~I would like to thank Happy-Emo-Bunnies for letting me use the begining of her story...thanks!

Broken Pices of My Heart

 I leave them behind when I am broken and sad,

I leave them behind disheveled and scattered,

I leave them behind for the whole world to see,

I leave them behind for you to pick up

The broken  pieces of my heart.

~ Thank you everyone who has been there for me throughout my life...happy v-day...i ♥u!

Cake...

Life is like a cake.

It is layerd and full of suprises,

everyone has their favorite parts,

and everyone hates some part of it.

It is full of sweetneess and love,

but it can also give you highblood presure. :)

The only diffrence is that you can have your life and "eat" it too.

The Only Reason

The only reason I would ever get mad at you is because I am practicing my anger incase anyone were to ever hurt you.

The only reason I would not let you have a bite of my chocolate is because I have a life-thretning disease.

The only reason I would not let you come over is because there is a secret plauge at my house.

The only reason I would leave you outside in the cold is that there is a HUGE lion in the house.

The only reason I would not let you barrow my, anything, is because I don't have one.

The only reason I would not let you die is because I love you too much to say goodbye...

Spaztastic

       I have realized that my past bloggs have not been, "spaztastic." So I am going to do something totaly "Ashley"...


       Spaztastic- A word that me and my friend came up with on one of our walks. Because We were being total spazes and just goofing off.


       Fuzzed out- A word (s) that I came up with when me and my friends were going to take a picture for our babysitting website.


       Epic Dog- A dog me and my friend saw in a back yard and took pictures of. He was sooooooooo cute...or...epic...

       Imature- A word that all of my friends say when they are around me (in a fun way.)

       Fun- this one is not a word, it is an action, to "fun" something is to make the best out of everything, which i try to do quite often...

       Family- synonyms: Love, Fuzzed out : ), Rediculous, Bussy, Always there, Wired, Diffrent, Kind, Anyone who appreciates you.

    All of these words discribe me, except epic dog, so there, now you know that i am realy a spaz...

      

     

Friends

  A Friend is like a vibrant flower when the whole world is wilting,

  A friend is like a wild horse, they are rare, but spirited also!

  A friend is like a raging bull, trying to protect their friends,

  A friend is always there for you, like God, who never fades away.

Love

         Love, is a wierd word. Love is made up of so many things, and you are one of them. Love is not only patient, kind, humble, self-controled, and never ending, but love is also family and friends. You need family and freinds to love and you need love to have family and friends. God is the best kind of love, and love is all we need to be. there are diffrent kinds of love, there is God's love (the best kind), there is brotherly love and freind's love, there is also worrying love, and love that also hates, but no matter what love is always love. All we need to do in life is love God and love others, because love is all we have.

blessings?

Blessing?

        All of the noise, all of the dirt! I had closed my eyes and hoped it would all go away. For six months my family and I dug pits, tore out walls, and then cleaned it all up again. We were totally destroying our house, to make it better. What were we thinking?

        At first, my family and I (all six of us) were living in a small, but cozy, three bedrooms, one bathroom house. Small, right? After twelve years of that, we finally decided that we would like to add on 1,400 sq. ft. making it a total of 3,200 sq. ft. We were so excited to own a new self-designed house. In our new home we would have five bedrooms, three bathrooms, a HUGE kitchen, living room, family room, dining room, and plus all the extras. I had no idea what we were getting into.

        We started the project in early January of 2010, and hoped it would be all finished in mid-April. Our mistake. After the foundation was laid many people came to help from our church and from our social life. The ones who worked the most on our house were probably Grandpa Covey, Dad, and Mom, along with all the hired help. My siblings and I also helped, but we were occupied by schoolwork most of the time. Even though schoolwork is not the funnest thing in the world, it is better than building a house in the mud and rain.

Schoolwork did keep me occupied, but when the weekends came I had no excuse. With our house in shambles, my family and I had to live with our grandparents. My sister and I squeezed into the back room behind the kitchen (we had no privacy!) while my two brothers took the office (boys didn’t need privacy!) Mom and Dad had the spare room and my grandparents just stayed where they were. Even though it was squashed in there, I will always be grateful for my grandparents.

Staying at my grandparent’s gave us a break from work, and it gave us time to think about our soon-to-be dream home. We past mid-April wondering when we would be done with our “project.” Mistakes were sometimes a good thing, because we learned from them. However, in that case, I think it would have been better if that mistake had never come about.

Our architect came from a cute, little company in which we did much of our business with our remodel; I will never go there again! The architect messed up on our staircase, my parent’s bedroom, and much more. He set us back quite a bit. I was worried about our dream home.

Even after our many mistakes and hard work, our dream home was finished. It took us a while to settle in and decorate, but with my mom in charge the decorating did get done. Now, I look back, and I am glad that we went through what we did. Our dream home is definitely a blessing.